THE TROWEL STRATEGY is the chilling plan, set forth in the secret Protocols of the Elders of Darwin, by which the Darwintern is ruthlessly achieving Total World Domination.

This strategy, which was unearthed by dedicated Creation Scholars of the FBI, was drafted shortly before the death of Karl Darwin in 1882. It takes its name from the ancient Masonic trowel, which is also the implement of choice of subversive palaeontologists.

But symbolically, of course, it represents the Darwintern's relentless digging away and undermining the foundations of morality and civilisation.

The 150-Year Plan

The full text of the Protocols of the Elders of Darwin is far too shocking to publish in full. However, as a public service to alert the world to the alarming successes of the Darwintern, we present below an extract from the verbatim text of the Trowel Strategy's 150-Year Plan (editorial notes in italics):

TROWEL STRATEGY - 12 Feb 1875

150-Year Action Plan: 1875-2025

1900: If Q(ueen) V(ictoria) still resisting orders of G(rand) M(aster), then a short "illness" to be arranged for her by Black Ops.  E(dward) will certainly prove more pliant on throne.

1914: Provoke a Global Armed Conflict (Part I), perhaps via Balkans, to promote political instability of European Imperial Powers; shld give cover to install own Tzar in St. P'burg.

1920: Bankroll US puritins to lobby for nationwide alcohol embargo; big ROI enabled through illicit sales, establish criminal networks, encourage slack public morals ("The Lurid 20's", maybe?) &c. &c.

1925: Orchestrate 'show trial' Science v. Bible, probably in USA Bible Belt state (Alabama? Kentucky?). Allows final infiltration of academia and 2ndary schools; finance making a Magic Lantern show from trial for mass entertainment using appropriate matinee idols.

1930: Pull plug on intern'l banking and stock mkts

1940: Global Armed Conflict (Part II) to finish off British E(mpire); use either current German Kaiser and/or Japan Emp. or similar; will accelerate call for World Gov't, bring on weapons tech for our use, &c.

1950: Absorb China & neighbours via civil war.

1957: Our puppet Tzar to launch terrestrial-orbiting sailing vessel to strike fear and loathing around globe

1964: Groom quartet of androgynous British vocalists, launch on Music Hall tour of USA to encourage immorality and corrupt youth under the motto of "copulation, intoxicants, and highly-rhythmic music"

1975: Flood market with outlandish trousers to inculcate insecurity; encourage absurd hairstyles

1980: Introduce 'personal' versions of Mr. Babbage's calculation engines (retain monopoly on patents)

1987: Inexplicably change recipe of popular mass foodstuff or beverage to spread panic.

2000: Complete final infiltration of world gov'ts, finance inst'ns, &c &c.

2009: Celebrate G(rand) M(aster)'s 200th b'day with global coup; mass detentions, martial law, &c &c.

2010: All currencies outlawed except our Galapagan Guano; total world financial domination achieved.

2015: Begin final pogrom against Religion

2020: World gov't installed.  Legalise incest, cannibalism, &c. &c.

2025: Final extirpation of morality, decency, civilisation, &c. &c.  Good job, guys!