Kitzmas Carols

 

 

Good KBaby Jesusenceslas

 

Cee-Design-Proponentsists
At the trial in Dover
Gave a ‘textbook’ some sly twists
For a slick make-over!
Sprightly ran the scan/replace
O’er the Pandas tome;
But a boo-boo left a trace
Of their sneaky syndrome!

 

 

“Hither, Behe, take the stand:
Whip out your flagellum!
Complex mousetraps would be grand–
If you really sell ‘em!
Clots in blood might help impugn
Ungodly evolution;
Tales of the system immune,
Aid Darwin’s dissolution!

 

Bring me Klings, and bring me Gerbs,
Bring me Egnors hither;
We need blogs and we need blurbs
Of convoluted slither!”
Damage limitation now
Is the D.I’s striving;
Same old furrow they still plough:
History revising!

 

 

Hark! The Herald Gerbil Squeals

 

Hark! The herald Gerbil squeals,

“Glory to our shop-worn spiels!

Piss on facts, and data piled--

God, how logic gets us riled!

Mindless, all ye bumpkins, drool!

Wield the Wedge, and be a tool!

With th’IDiots, chant this swill:

“Man came from apes? Then why apes still?!”

Hark! The bald-faced Gerbil’s whine:

“Monkeys ain’t no kin of mine!”

 

 

Away in Seattle

 

Away in Seattle,

No brain in his head,

The poor abhorred Gerbil

Flogs his horse that’s dead.

 

Judge Jones in the court room

Found I.D.’s a sect;

That weird silly dogma

Can't get no respect!

 

The donors are drying,

The Disco’Tute quakes,

So poor abhorred Gerbil

Much lying he makes.

 

I love thee, wee Gerbil,

Keep blogging away!

You’ll keep us amused

From now 'til Doomsday!

 

 

Dembski the Showman

 

Dembski the Showman

 was a Fellow at the ‘Tute;

“This filter o’ mine

Can detect Design

--if your brain ain’t too astute!”

 

Dembski the Showman

Thinks that fairy-tales come true;

“All that ‘Word made Flesh’

Is the way to mesh

‘Science’ with religious Woo!”

 

There must be some real voodoo in that Bible he revives,

For when he stuffs it in his head, he spouts off, and shucks and jives!

 

Oh, Dembski’s a Shaman,

And so slick, as Heaven knows;

He’s a mystic guy

With his C.S.I.

And his stolen videos!

 

Oogity boog boog, oogity boog boog,

Uncommon descent!

Oogity boog boog, oogity boog boog,

Sinners, now repent!

 

But Dembski the Showman

Now grew weary of his con;

So he said, “Must dash

With my sacks of cash

Before the gulls catch on!”

 

And Dembski the Showman

Knew that prudence would be wise;

So he waved goodbye,

Saying, “Don’t you cry,

I’ll be back--in some new guise!”

 

 

 

Wreck the Net with Blogs of Folly

 

Wreck the net with blogs of folly!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

At man’s Reason fire a volley!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Claim we now Darwin’s in peril,

     Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

So boil your brain to make it sterile!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

 

Seeing the blazing books before us!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

But spare the Bibles and the Torahs!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Wallow we in thoughts obscure

     Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

While we shill our Wedge manure!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

 

Fast away all logic passes,

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

“Sieg Heil!” crap, ye mindless asses!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Whine we all each Kitzmas season.

     Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

Heedless of all sense and reason!

     Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

 

So Dumb, All Ye Shameful

 

So dumb, all ye shameful

Cdesign proponentsists!

So dumb ye, so dumb ye,

From your own mayhem!

Dumb and blindfolded,

Sworn all things to mangle!

So dumb, let us abhor them,

So dumb, let us abhor them,

So dumb, let us abhor them,

Jeez, what a horde!

 

 

Squawking in a Wedgy Blunderland

 

Stuff by Kling

(are you reading?)

On their blog

(sets eyes bleeding!),

A hideous blight

When Klinghumper writes:

Squawking in a Wedgy Blunderland!

 

Gerbil comes

(he’s a true nerd)

Here to squeeze

Out a new t*rd

He loves to say “nay”

To junk DNA:

Squawking in a Wedgy Blunderland!

 

On their website Denyse builds a strawman,

Then pretends she’s worthy of renown;

She says: are you carried?

We say:  flawed, m’am!

But for obfuscation

You sure take the crown!

 

Later on

They're conspirin’

As they scheme

Yet more lyin’

And renew their pledge

To plots in the Wedge,

Squawking in a Wedgy Blunderland!

 

 

O Little Clown of Lehigh U

 

O little clown of Lehigh U,

How well you testify

About the weird and wacky stuff

Beloved of the D.I.!

Yet in thy blank mind snappeth

A real complex mousetrap;

Such dopes and fools with all their drools

Are lapping up such crap!