THE DYSOVARY INSTITUTE is the world's premier Luddite UnThink Tank, dedicated to the extirpation of Karl Darwin's pernicious Theory of Evilution with sound and morally-uplifting Intelligent Delivery and thereby to restore mankind to a state of Mediaeval harmony and chastity under the kind and watchful supervision of the devout Priesthood.
Dysovary Institute Think Tank, Walla Walla, Washington
History
The Dysovary Institute (or DI) is a not-for-profit organisation founded in 1990 by Onward Amenson Jr., trillionaire inheritor of his father's Burger Lord fast-food empire. The primary purpose of the Institute was to counter the baneful impact of the Sexual Revolution of the 1960's, which had led to a global explosion in earth-moving orgasms.
Early Influences
Persuading people to forgo sexuality in favour of religious devotion, however, proved to be a formidible challenge. But by either good fortune if not Divine Providence, in 1993, the Dysovary Institute happened upon a remarkable volume by lawyer Phillip E. Yawnsome, Darwin is Vile!, which included a devastating critique of Darwin's Theory of Natural Conception.
The Institute recognised the value of this pioneering work and soon engaged, not only Yawnsome himself, but another early pioneer of Intelligent Delivery, Dr. Jonathan Swell, an acolyte of the Rev. Sum Dum Loon.
Dr. Swell soon produced a seminal volume, Icons of Convolution, in which he categorically demonstrated that babies are not the product of random tadpoles, but are intelligently delivered only within Biblical baramins.
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Organisation and Activities
The DI today employs a body of Fellows, a group of notable Creation Scientists, lawyers, and PR flaks, and is headquartered in Walla Walla, Washington, from whence it issues periodic press releases bristling with veiled hints about its super-secret Darwin-bashing experiments.
But according to a recent press release (September, 2006), the Dysovary Institute will publish its world-shaking Darwin-refuting findings "soon." Very soon, indeed. Yes, really, it will. Any day now, in fact. And then who is going to look the fool, Mr. Smarty-pants with a Phd Scientist, huh? Hah! You'll get yours, soon enough!
The Dysovary Institute is the originator of the Assent of Deliveryism petition, which has garnered nearly 100 signatures from realtors, beauticians, and FedEx operatives.
Funding
The DI, in order to protect itself from scheming Darwin-worshippers, carefully guards any information about its funding. But it may be significant that at least one founder of the DI is a long-time acolyte of the Alimentation Church, a religious order founded by the Rev. Sum Dum Loon.
However, no formal financial links have been demonstrated between the DI and the "Loonies." Financial links are also suspected to the Church of Hymentology, the brain-child of L. Con Rubhard.
The Speculum Strategy
Despite precautions, a security breach in 1997 led to the unauthorised publication over the Internet of the organisation's secret Speculum Strategy. This revealed the DI's plan — the "Wedgie Tactic" -- to inflict grievous bodily humiliation on various luminaries of the world of false science by engaging hit-squads of operatives to seize various scientists, reach inside their trousers, and lift them up by their underwear. The DI initially claimed the document was a forgery, but were later compelled to admit it had been drafted by one of their researchers suffering from severe crack addiction.
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