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Grand Master

Page history last edited by Swinefat Pink 14 years, 8 months ago

THE GRAND MASTER is the Supreme and Infallible Primate of the Darwintern.  He is the Dominus Maximus, the Kourios Megalos, the Capissimo di Tutti Capi, the Big Enchilada.



Origin of the Title


According to Old Conspiracy Theorists, the venerable title of Grand Master antedates the formation of the Darwintern by many centuries, and is ultimately derived from the Knights Templar.  The title remains in use by other secret societies, such as the Freemasons and the Illuminati, the ancestors of the Darwintern.  Though the notional leaders of these other cabals are still permitted, for the sake of maintaining a veil of both secrecy and misinformation, to style themselves as 'Grand Masters,' they are in fact mere sock-puppets of the Grand Master.  Accept no subsitutes.


OCTists also claim that passages within the controversial Protocols of the Elders of Darwin indicate an internal hierarchy of  33 Degrees of Brotherhood in Pondscum, wherein the Grand Master, as Supreme Primate of the Cabal, is the sole occupant of the 33rd Degree. Young Conspiracy Theorists, while accepting the legitimacy of the Protocols document and its associated Trowel Strategy, hold instead that the title Grand Master originates with the Darwintern, and was probably first held by Karl Darwin himself.


Natural Selection of the Grand Master


The identities of subsequent Grand Masters since Templar times are shrouded in mystery, as is the precise manner of their elevation to the Supreme Primateship. It is not known how candidates are identified or evaluated.


It is also suspected that, the better to conceal identity, the successful candidate is subjected to a carefully staged 'accident' or other untoward occurance to 'remove' him from his previous (and often high-profile) life before taking up the Supreme Primateship. 


However, it has now been established that, on the death of a Grand Master, the League of Overseers is assembled in a Conclave of Unnatural Selection to name his successor. 


Was Darwin a Grand Master?


Young Conspiracy Theorists are adamant that Karl Darwin was the First Grand Master of the conspiracy, but many Old Conspiracy Theorists not only insist that the lineage of the office is far older but additionally question whether Darwin ever held the Supreme Primateship. 


Duties of the Grand Master


Although it is presumed no one knows more about the plottings of the Darwintern than the Grand Master himself, it is not certain that even he can possibly have full visibility of so vast and arcane a global conspiracy. 


The Grand Master, whose offices occupy a cavernous subterranean bunker at Head Office Zero in the Galapagos Islands, chairs  the weekly  Coven of Ministers as well as the monthly meeting of the Darwin International.  He also presides, every year on 12th February, as the Lord of Misrule at the annual Head Office Darwin Day Celebrations, one of the rare occasions when Darwintern agents of non-ministerial rank may catch a glimpse of the Dominus Maximus himself.


Otherwise, the Grand Master is said to relax in the luxurious  Vetting Chambers of his private wing in the company of a bevy of Angels when he isn't whisking around the globe on his private yacht, The Dominatrix IV, or on board his luxury Lear jet, the Peppered Moth.


All decisions of the Grand Master are final.  No correspondence will be entered into.


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