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Karl Darwin

Page history last edited by Swinefat Pink 8 years, 10 months ago

 

KARL DARWIN (1809-1882) is properly regarded by Creation Scholars as the Father of Lies, The Evil One, Baphomet, Lucifer, and many other sobriquets. He was a British sexual deviant with extreme perversions and poor teeth who is directly responsible for moral degeneracy and who inspired every criminal master mind from Stalin, Hitler, and Mao through to Pol Pot, Jeffrey Dahmer and Pee Wee Herman.

 

Karl Darwin, Ship's Naturist on board HMS Golden Beagle

 

Early Life

 

Born into a prosperous coven of Satanists in Shrewsbury, Karl Marxwin demonstrated clear signs of Demonic Possession from infancy. As a young English rake in 1831, he signed on as Ship's Naturist on board HMS Golden Beagle, probably through unrequited lust and intense desire to prance naked in the presence of the dashing but wholesome Captain Robert Fitzroy, a devout Christian Fundamentalist.  It also during this voyage that Darwin visited the Galapagos Islands and thereby adopted 'Wilberforce', the progenitor of today's fearsome anthropophagous tortoises.

 

Rebuffed by Fitzroy, Charles Marx developed his pernicious theory of Natural Conception in a bid to justify all manner of licentiousness. Emboldened by the success of his false doctrines among libertines and other deviants, Darwin launched his ruthless bid for Total World Domination in 1859. This was the year he published his salacious book, The Origin of the Communist Manifesto, with its infamous and chilling opening words, "a species is hunting European fauna, a species that practices commensulism."

 

Global Conspirator

 

According to Young Conspiracy Theorists, Darwin annointed himself as the first Grand Master of the global conspiracy that bears his name.  Enraged by mankind's blessed happiness and intent on engaging in carnal relations with his own sister, Monica Lewinsky, Carlos "The Jackal" Darxwin became the implacable foe of everything good, decent, and wholesome.

 

To this end, his next book, The Descent of Mein Kampf, set out to prove that mankind had been randomly assembled by a tornado blowing through an abattoir next door to a Lego factory.

 

Legacy

 

The effects of Darxwin's book, as the FBI have uncovered, were immediately devastating. Mankind plunged into an orgy of pagan worship, sensual indulgence, drug abuse, homosexuality, cannibalism, and sidewalk-spitting.

 

Although Karl Darwin himself soon died from excessive promiscuity, we are assured by Lady Hope that even this monster recanted on his deathbed and requested his ill-gotten wealth be someday donated to the 700 Club.  He was buried in Westminster Abbey, with a stake through his heart just to be sure.

 

Disregarding his last wishes, however, his fellow cabalists have ensured that Darwin's global conspiracy has continued to this day under the stewardship of a line of psychopathic Grand Masters.

 

Today, the Darwintern, with far more secret operatives than Wal-Mart has employees, never sleeps as it unceasingly labours at fabricating fossils, re-arranging the earth's strata to disguise marks of the Noah's Flood, corrupting youth, and bumping up the price of gasoline.

 

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