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Natural Conception

Page history last edited by Swinefat Pink 14 years, 7 months ago


[NOTE: This article contains material on Natural Conception. Natural Conception is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of babies. Sex is yicky and yucky, of interest only to deviants and perverts. This material should be approached with a pre-programmed mind, closed legs, and faith in the Great Stork of the Cabbage Patch. This sticker is a public service provided by the Cobb County Committee for Public Safety and Purity of Essence]


THE THEORY OF NATURAL CONCEPTION is a pernicious doctrine developed by Karl Darwin directly responsible for the Bolshevik Revolution, Cannibalism, Incest, and the Heartbreak of Psoriasis.


Impetus to Darwin's Theory


From time immemorial, man has sought the answer to the Great Question of Life, “From whence do we come?” And for nearly six happy millennia, parents have passed down the wisdom of the ages to their inquiring offspring and told them the simple, beautiful truth: “My child, the Stork left you in the cabbage patch.”


But this ancient TRVTH was found wanting by a deviant English atheist, Karl Darwin, a tortured soul consumed by the sin of Lust. Seeking justification for his unspeakable carnal urges, Darwin created an outlandish alternative, in his tome, the Origin of Infants, to the ancient account of the Cabbage Patch.


The "Theory"


According to his ''theory'' (for which there is not a scintilla of actual proof), we arise from a shameful act called sexual congress, whereby the impure micturating regions (or, to give them their proper medical name, the sloppy naughty bits) of two individuals, a male and female, are temporarily conjoined. Friction is supplied by means of a variety of lascivious gyrations, eventually resulting–it is claimed–in the explosive transmission of some millions of microscopic, tadpole-like creatures from the male sloppy naughty bits. Though totally deaf, blind, and dumb, and wholly lacking either compass, map, or GPS system, these invisible creatures are then supposed to find their way–in total darkness, no less!–through the labyrinthine female sloppy naughty bits and miraculously find concealed therein a single, pin-head sized ‘egg’.


But now comes the truly preposterous part! It is claimed that, of the millions of little tadpoles said to actually complete this impossible task, only one — through random chance alone — actually fuses with the ‘egg’ (without breaking the shell, in some unspecifed fashion) in an act of ‘Conception’ from which it is to be believed a new life is formed. And that is the ‘justification’ manufactured by Darwin to promote his craving for unbridled licentiousness: it’s for the children!


Utter Impossibilty of the Theory


Dedicated Cabbageists are quick to point out the many and glaring flaws in this ridiculous theory. Darwinists claim that our bodies, which are composed of qazillions of cells of bazillions of differing types, arises solely from two individual cells of only two different types, a ‘tadpole’ and an ‘egg’. But this is a mathematical impossibility, for 1+1=2, now and forever–except in the crazed delusions of Darwinists.


So where are all those extra qazillions of cells supposed to come from? Darwinists claim the cells divide, but again, hard mathematics shows the absurdity here: 1 divided by 2 is not 2, but 1/2! The more cells, the smaller the total becomes, but that mathematical law is conveniently ignored in twisted Darwinist ‘logic’. It is also a violation of the Law of the Conservation of Matter. But of course, Darwinists have no interest in Laws, beyond wantonly breaking them.


Then consider all of the observations, readily to hand, which Darwinists simply ignore. It is a scientific fact that lion cubs are only delivered to lion parents, zebra foals to zebra parents, human babies to human parents. If life was created by fusing an ‘egg’ with a random ‘tadpole’, we would see giraffes with kittens for offspring, which never of course arises. The evidence overwhelmingly points to a system of Intelligent Delivery, whereby the young are delivered only to parents of its own kind.


The Theory in Crisis


Dedicated Creation Scholars have continued to identify fatal flaws in Darwin's Theory of Natural Conception, which is now utterly doomed.  Among the many compelling nails driven into the coffin of Darwinism, some the more noteworthy refutations are:


* If babies come from tadpoles, why are there still tadpoles? 

* If babies only come from sexual congress, then why are there still nuns?

* The Stork-denying ’scientists’ may claim you were conceived by your parents jiggling their sloppy naughty bits together, but did you actually see it? Were you there?


However, there are some doctrinal differences between the Fundamentalists of Answers in Cabbages (q.v.), and the Intelligent DeliveryTheorists of the Dysovary Institute (q.v.).




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