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Tornado in a Junkyard Experiment

Page history last edited by Swinefat Pink 7 years, 7 months ago


IN ORDER TO ANSWER CRITICS who charged that Creation Science lacked scientific rigour, Dr Abe Chilehem, a professor of Baraminology at the South Kansas Normal Institute of His Second Coming in Glory and a fellow of the Dysovary Institute, conducted a famous set of laboratory trials in Wichita, Kansas, in April, 1992. 


Later known as the Tornado in a Junkyard Experiment, these tests sought both to establish genuine scientific credentials for Creation Science and to discredit Darwin's Theory of Evilution.  Additionally, these experiments laid the foundation for the later discovery of the Laws of Thermal Documents.


Experimental Hypotheses


Dr. Chilehem's experiments set out to test two overlapping hypotheses:


1. Abiogenesis Hypothesis: Life can no more arise from inorganic matter by random happenstance than a tornado in a junkyard can assemble a 747.

2. Macroevolutionary Hypothesis: New species can no more arise from random genetic mutations in existing species than that selfsame tornado in a junkyard can assemble so much as a Piper Cub.


Although a number of biologists endeavored to raise silly quibbles over these hypotheses (claiming, for example, that abiogenesis is outside the scope of the Theory of Evilution) Chilehem dismissed their trivial objections pending the outcome of his experiment, which he assured his critics would offer "proof positive."  He also generously undertook to pray for his critics' eternal souls.


Equipment and Procedure


Building a massive wind-tunnel with the assistance of fellow worshippers at the First Church of Christ, Chiropractor, Dr. Chilehem placed therein 1 metric ton of scrap metal scooped up at random by a blindfolded fork-lift truck operator at the Great Plains Salvage Company Inc.  To this mixture he added 1 metric ton of household refuse gleaned from the Wichita Municipal Waste Disposal Facility.  Then he switched on the fans.  He ran the wind-tunnel at Mach 0.78 for 6 days, and rested on the seventh.


Dr. Chilehem's Wind Tunnel


In accordance with the prediction of the Abiogenesis Hypothesis, thorough examination of the contents of the wind-tunnel determined that neither simple lifeforms nor a Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet were to be found. 


The one unexpected find -- the text of Act III, Scene iv of Shakespeare's Hamlet, which had been spontaneously produced by a broken typewriter on the back of an empty box of Kellog's Cocoa Krispies -- was held to not invalidate the hypothesis, as it was still inanimate matter, and also aerodynamically unstable.


To test the Macroevolutionary Hypothesis, Chilehem now placed in the wind-tunnel living specimens of some 1500 animal species, ranging from small tree frogs and newts through to hippopotamoi and baleen whales, and including intermediate organisms such as harbor seals, Saharan meerkats, Nile crocodiles, and a rare breeding pair of Andean condors. A blast of six more days at Mach 0.78 failed, as predicted, to produce a new species from the resulting organic melange.




Before he was able to publish his results, Dr. Chilehem was arrested (following a tip-off by an aged member of the local I.W.W.) on charges of violating Washington State statute RCW 16.52.205 for inflicting "animal cruelty in the first degree."  Released on bail, Dr. Chilehem fled the country, yet another victim of outrageous persecution by the Darwintern's notorious Black Ops.



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